What’s Your Rider ID? Take Our Quiz to Find Out

Are you a one trick pony, or is your garage a veritable shelter for your bike quiver? Fixie or mountain bike? Do you pedal a state-of-the-art, custom ride? Do you consider brakes “old school”?  Do your besties tell you to wear more natural fiber and less Lycra?

In the words of the great 21^st century philosopher, Stephen Colbert, “Facts matter none at all. Perception is everything.”

Face it, if you love bikes, there’s some part of you that can be called a dork. (Trust us, here at Nikwax, we’re all a bit dorky for bikes).

But within that giant cycling umbrella, we all fall into a range of niches. What kind of cyclist are you? Take our quiz to unearth your Rider ID.

First answer the short list of questions, and then add up your scores below to learn your Rider ID.

1. When you dress for a ride, your go-to clothing is:

1. My full Euskaltel-Euskadi kit. It’s cool because I’m 1/96^th Spanish on my mom’s side.
2. It doesn’t matter, as long as my GoPro is charged.
3. Dress for a ride? Cycling clothes are so bourgeois. My skinny jeans are all I need.
4. I opt for the latest in breathable, wicking fabrics. But as long as I have my rear view helmet mirror adjusted, I’m good to go.

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2. When you come up behind another rider, what do you say?

1. Hold your line! Hold your line!
2. Dude, on your left.
3. Talk to another rider? Why?
4. Hi-da-lee-ho neighbor. Great day to be on the bike, huh?

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3. How do you fuel up for a ride?

1. A balanced meal of protein and carbs, like two egg whites with steamed veggies and an avocado for healthy fat.
2. Bacon and Twinkies, which I bought a yearlong supply of on Ebay.
3. Double espresso
4. I like to stop by the Farmer’s Market for whatever’s in season.

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4. What about a post-ride recovery meal?

1. I own every formulation of Hammer Nutrition
2. PBR – tall boy
3. The latest pop-up restaurant, or the Thai-Argentine fusion food truck
4. I like to stop by the Farmer’s Market for whatever’s in season.

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5. On a rest day, how would we find you passing your time?

1. After a gentle, low cadence spin, I’ll be studying with Rosetta Stone so I can pronounce every European riders’ name without sounding like an idiot! Can you imagine not being able to pronounce Yevgeniy Npomnyachshiy? The horror!
2. Oh, I do a lot of stuff. I do river trips. I’m starting my own Vimeo channel. You know, the usual.
3. I’m studying nihilist philosophy and working on a start-up with my roommates.
4. I like to stop by the Farmer’s Market for whatever’s in season.

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6. What was the biggest after-market upgrade you’ve made to your bike?

1. Aftermarket? My bike was never prior-market or during-market. Nothing on my ride is standard. I had the frame welded to my measurements and built it out with THE BEST bike builder in town.
2. An extra 10-mm of travel on my forks.
3. Removing the brakes and that pesky derailleur.
4. A hand-woven basket from Bolivia. The trade supports a women’s compound and sales from the baskets bring economic freedom. I found it at my local Farmer’s Market.

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7. If you were to ride a different discipline (road to mountain to track to commuter) – from your preferred discipline – for a day, which would you choose?

1. Velodrome. I’m not going to waste my time on any discipline that’s not developing more power and a higher VO2 max.
2. Dude, I’d totally try a fixie.
3. I don’t live to ride; I ride to live.
4. Any! The freedom of a bicycle is pure joy, don’t you think?

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8. What’s the best bike movie of all time?

1. Breaking Away
2. Breaking Away
3. Breaking Away
4. Breaking Away

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9. Who is the greatest cyclist of all time?

1. Eddie Merckx
2. Ned Overend
3. Albert Einstein
4. My kids

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10.  If I were to plan a cycling-themed vacation, I would… (fill in the blank).

1. Follow Le Tour de France route, on an Alpe D’Huez year
2. One word: Moab and Fruita. Oh, that’s two.
3. Vacations are so bourgeois. But I’d still go to Portland.
4. Ride across Ireland or wait, maybe a Napa wine tour. No, no. I’d for sure do a philanthropic trip delivering bikes to rural communities.

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Scoring:

If you answered mostly “1,” your bike ID is “Lycra Lovin’ Roadie.”

If you answered mostly “2,” your bike ID is “Dirt Bag Mountain Biker.”

If you answered mostly “3,” your bike ID is “Hipster, Fixie Guy/Gal.”

If you answered mostly “4,” your bike ID is “Safety First Commuter.”

Lycra Lovin’ Roadie:

You know who you are. In July, you wake up at 5:30am to watch the full coverage of the Tour de France before you head out on your training ride. You have little tolerance for “no drop” rides, especially when you’re feeling strong. Criteriums are good training, but the real mettle is in a road race – mano a mano. There’s more science built into your training regime than exists in all of NASA. And speaking of NASA, several of your components were originally conceived of for space missions. Before, that is, they were improved by Campagnolo engineers.

Dirt Bag Mountain Biker:

You’d hate the “dirt bag” cliché if you didn’t embrace as heartily as you do. No one (save for the hipsters) has ever worked so hard to look like they’ve put so little effort into looking “good.” You love a dirty ride almost as much as you love the BBQ and beer afterward. BMX still holds appeal, with the likelihood of participation in inverse relation to your age. Your dirty little secret is that you’re actually really serious about riding, but that can always be cloaked under your frequent, verbal dismissals of roadies.

Hipster Fixie Guy/Gal:

You secretly long for brakes and a derailleur, though the associated social stigma keeps them securely out of reach. Irony runs so deep that you’re beginning to question if it would be more ironic to no longer be ironic… hmm? Your circle of friends looks like they stepped out of Nylon Magazine photo shoot and your Tumblr blog is really taking off. Portlandia was more entertaining before it went mainstream, and Chuck Palahniuk is an under-rated genius. Truth be told, you have wicked good fitness under your scissor-cropped jeans and big-framed glasses.

Safety First Commuter:

You’re excited about riding and likely have a passable road bike and a mountain bike, along with your commuter. Most of all, you think biking is the most responsible option for the health of the planet and your own body. You’re not too cool to wear a helmet to the grocery store (not to mention in the grocery store) and you volunteer for all the local trail work. You do good things, even if they don’t scream “cool.” You could care less about how fast you are. The feel of the wind in your face every morning on your way to work does more for your sanity and happiness than winning a race ever could.

Regardless of your tongue in cheek Rider ID, the most important thing is that we all continue to define ourselves as bike lovers, riders, cycling geeks and biking advocates. Here’s to you, our two-wheeled friends. Let’s ride.